Friday, August 6, 2010
Critique #2 Passion Speech
Nice effort on the first day of our second round of speeches! I am happy to see that someone you took the comments from last time and made some wonderful improvements! Well Done! We will be critiquing our speech buddies again in this passion speech. I want more depth in the details used than in the last post. I am looking for comments that discuss strength and improvements and be sure to give your buddy some suggestions on how to make the improvements. Comments should not be limited to delivery suggestions only. REMEMBER: you are an entire message up there that combines in both content and delivery. Think about the organization. Did you hear a speech pattern? Think about the supporting details. Did the speaker create clarity, interest and retention? How? How strong was the academic research? Was expertise shown? Think about audience adaptation. What techniques were utilized to adapt to the audience? Think about the visual aids. How did they assist in producing clarity or interest? Were items fully supported? Were citations correctly utilized? Break down the process and share a thoughtful post that illustrates to me that you are integrating the material this semester and understand what is needed to achieve "effective" communication. This critique is due Wednesday, Aug. 11 before the start of class.
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Remzy’s speech overall was good. His points were getting across pretty clear. At least for me, I do not understand anything about football but I was able to follow what he was saying. His thesis sentence could have used a little more work. He said something about his favorite football player but yet did not say his name or the reason why he liked him. I think that would’ve added a little more clarity about his topic. At times it also seemed that he was citing sources back to back. His points could have used better academic sources to back up or clarify what he was saying. He also didn’t put too much personal information about his passion into the speech. He did not use strong connectives too much but they have improved since his first speech. He was able to connect with the audience at the beginning of the speech by asking questions about football. His vocalization has improved greatly everyone was able to hear him. He could work on it a little more on not mumbling but he is improving. His visual aid definitely needed some work. He had forgotten to switch slides in the middle of his speech. He also did not have a lot of information on the slides that helped the audience capture what he was trying to say. His reliance on the note cards was not really noticed but I would have liked for him to look up a little more. But despite this he had great eye contact with the audience. He occasionally smiled and seemed a little more relaxed than his previous speeches. He has shown a great improvement from the organization in his speech to the way he presented the information to the audience. Great job Remzy!
ReplyDeleteMy speech partner was Steve and his passion was cars. Overall he improved a lot from his previous speech. His opening was a strong question that interested the audience. He had some good credibility in his opening but he didn’t use any academic sources. His three major weaknesses were his PowerPoint, tone, and some of the information. His PowerPoint had too many words on each slide and seemed to lose the audience. I feel that his academic research could have gone deeper to really explain his love for cars. Also his overall tone seemed bored and dull. This is his passion and he could have tried to sound a little more enthusiastic.
ReplyDeleteSteve showed a lot of strengths throughout his speech. His interview was very interesting with Toyota Scion Manager because it seemed relatable. His personal examples about his grandfather and how he knows about rotors were strong because you can tell he knew his information. His video was really surprising to see how he rebuilt that beat-up car to a nice new one. It must have taken a while so this showed how passionate he was about cars. I heard his 3 main points and his connectives through-out the speech. His PowerPoint even though it was cited wrong it really helped him get his point across. When Steve was talking about his personal information he was really relaxed and had a casual tone. It was when he needed to look at his note cards that he became tense and nervous. Steve improved a lot and did a good job on this speech! If he does more research and becomes comfortable with his information he will do an excellent speech. Good job Steve!
Denise had her passion speech today. Her passion was about soccer and how it helps you mentally, physically, and emotionally. I like how she interacted with audience by asking who here has played sports which has played them because they were forced, and who has not liked a sport that they played. I liked it because it brought attention to her speech and they were wondering and thinking about themselves. They were able to relate to them. I thought her introduction was very well; she established credibility and was able to state her three main points clearly. She was very organized in the practice and she was organized while presenting. She used transitions pretty well. I was able to understand her speech with ease. She was able to project her voice, had a good pitch, a steady rate which I was able to follow her, and good articulation. Her voice was not monotone. In the beginning of her presentation, she seemed like she was reading off the note cards. I believe that she noticed what she was doing and fixed it by the middle of the speech. I noticed that she was leaning on the table with the computer. I think for her next speech she should stand up straight rather than slouching. She used her hands well to express words but she did not move them as if she was nervous. She smiled throughout the presentation which made me think she is really passionate about soccer. Her visual aids were well, and so was her PowerPoint. She could have sighted the sources when she put quotes in her PowerPoint though. The pictures went with what she was talking about and showed interest in what she was talking about; it also clarified some things. She had a lot of sources which were interviews but when they were not they were great and sighted well. There were academic resources in her speech. She did say a few filler words (like and um), but she did not do it as much as her first speech. She had good sources throughout the speech. I liked the pictures. I also liked her stories and how she used herself as an example for gaining weight after getting asthma. There were many things in her speech that I liked and would try to fix; but overall I think Denise did a good job.
ReplyDeleteI believe today went really well. My speech buddy Matt did a lot better than his first speech. I will start off with the bad stuff. I believe Matt was looking down most of the time during his speech. He was not looking at his cards the whole time, but he still had his face down as if he was looking at them. Matt's voice was very soft at first, but it got louder by the end of the speech. Matt had no connectives during his speech. He can work on being louder and more confident. His passion is drawing, yet he sounded like he was bored and humble about it. If it's your passion you should be confident about it and let people know! Matt had a better eye contact than he did on his first speech. He was a little more confident than before. Matt has a conversational voice and could work on improving his voice to project across the room. At the end, Matt did better when we practiced the night before. I believe he got nervous, Matt knows his stuff so he should not be nervous next time!
ReplyDeleteMy speech partner was Joe. Joe’s Overall speech was well presented. His introduction was strong. He used good gestures by showing the audience his jukes, stiff arm, and running. His minor mistakes were the connectives. The connectives could have been a little better to make the transition from point to point easier to follow. Vocally, Joe was good. He sounded really conversation, and his projection kept the audience’s attention. His projection was one of the things that really stood out for him. He had pretty distinctive gestures throughout his speech, during introduction and in the stories of his body paragraphs. He used a good vocabulary pertaining to his topic. His sources were all good, especially his coach. Joe seemed to really know his stuff. His video was placed in the right place at the right time. One setback was a couple slides on his power point. On a couple of the slides, he had too much information on there. He needed to reduce that and follow the 6x6 rule. His conclusion could have been stronger. I felt like he tried to say too much at the end. He should have quickly summarized and hit us with a good memorable statement. Overall, Joe’s speech was good. Things that stood out good for Joe were his Projection, eye contact and use of his video. The one thing he needs to work on for next time is his information on the slides of the power point. He just needs to reduce it, and next time he’ll be fine. Good job Joe!
ReplyDeleteBridget did really well on her passion speech. Her introduction was good and introduced her speech very well. She used good citations in her introduction so that showed that she had creditability. She knew what she was talking about and she included personal experience. She integrated in things such as her grandparents, the dance completion she was a part of, and the fact that she often cooks Peruvian food. So those things showed that she was passionate about her topic. She had good eye contact throughout her speech. But her eye contact was only to one side of the room. People on the other side of the room could have felt left out. In the future, she should change the angle in which she stands in in order to have eye contact with everyone in the room. She was rocking side to side a little bit, but it isn’t a serious problem. She used good connectives to flow from one point to another and that enabled me to follow what she was talking about. And that also enabled me to know that she has proceeded to her next point. Her power point presentation was good. It benefited her speech because she had pictures of her dancing, cooking and the picture of her grandparents. She also used the power point to explain some of the stuff she was talking about and that made it easier for me to understand what she was saying. She used credible sources throughout her speech. Her conclusion wrapped up her speech and gave a memorable statement. Overall Bridget gave a really good informative speech.
ReplyDeleteToday on August 10, 2010 Geno Sidders presented his second speech on what his passion was, which was falling in love. I am very proud of Geno because he seemed very confident and knowledgeable about the topic he was presenting to us. During the practices we had he was very timid and nervous but during the speech he overcame his nervousness and presented a wonderful speech. Although the speech was well done and very conversational there are some minor things that he needs to work on. He should not have read off the screen of the computer but he did stay off the note cards a lot more than his last speech. Geno’s attention grabber was not as strong as it should’ve been. He should have started out with a personal story about falling in love or a quote instead of stating what he was going to speak about. On the other hand he a lot of citations that went well with every main point he was making. He had great eye contact for the most part but it could stronger than it was. The audience was much intoned in his passion speech and I could tell that falling in love was a very strong aspect to Geno because he was passionate when he delivered it. Geno keep up the great work your doing and continue to do so in the fall semester! Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteOn August 9, 2010, my speech partner, Duanne Neal, gave his Passion speech on loud music and how it’s the one antidote that calms him down, takes his mind off of things and rejuvenates his attitude. During Duanne’s presentation there were a few things that stood out to me on a positive note, such his involvement with his audience and how he was able to keep their attention throughout his speech. His main points were also clearly understandable and decisive. He demonstrated good vocal projections and his voice was conversational which drew the audience into his speech. Even in his conclusion you were able to feel the passion of his topic.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few things that I believe Duanne can do to improve his speech. The first would be to incorporate better sources. He had great main points but he needed to also have that credibility to top it all off. One piece of advice I would give is to find quotes or take a look on the database so he won’t lose his audience. Secondly, Duanne needs to stop relying on his note cards so much because this takes away his eye contact from the audience. My advice would be to put trigger words on the cards so that he is not reading them but is just simply looking at one word which will help him to remember to look up. Finally Duanne needs a better PowerPoint to go with his speech. He only had three slides and most of the time during his speech he had his PowerPoint on one slide. Something he should remember for next time is to have a slide for each point, including the introduction as well as the conclusion. Over all Duanne passion speech was much better than his first speech.
My partner was John Bowden. Johns speech was overall very good. His main points were clearly stated, and he seemed confident while giving his speech. John had many good sources, and they were all clearly stated as well. During our practice time he wasn't nervous at all, and his voice was projected, and he was energetic. While practicing, it was clear that John had a lot of passion for tackling people. One thing that I strongly suggest John should work on is his conclusion. His conclusion in my opinion was very dull. Even though the point of a conclusion is to wrap up your speech, I still feel as though the audience should still have interest in what your saying, and I didn't feel that way at all. Another issue I had with John's speech was that the clip he wanted to show us was taking entirely to long to open up, and because of that we didn't get to enjoy it. My advice for Johns next speech is for him to have his clips already loaded up in another screen and ready to go. I enjoyed working with John on this speech, he was an excellent partner. Great Job John, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteMy speech this partner this week was Felicity. Let me start off by saying what a powerful voice she has. Not only does she allow her voice to project to the entire audience, but she has a very Rihanna-like feel to her singing. I thought her introduction was extremely powerful. It was nice to see how not only was music a way of expressing her passion, but also a way to showcase the talent she has. Among many of Felicity's points, her vocal connection with the audience kept us entertained throughout the entire presentation. However, something that Felicity struggled with a little was hand gestures. They were a minor problem during our practices, and had showed up a little bit during the beginning of the speech. Although the her gestures were not all there, her smile was. I knew right away everything Felicity had said was credible just by the way she smiled. I knew her bright eyes and pearly whites were an indication that she was extremely passionate about music. Felicity really showed her quickness of wits by repairing a minor mistake. When bringing up her source of Ashanti, she forgot to mention her credentials. However, later, when her name was brought up again she fixed her mistake. In my opinion Felicity is an excellent public speaker. I feel that since she has been brought up singing in the spot light since she was little, speaking is a breeze. Felicity, you have an amazing voice and i can not wait to hear your next speech!
ReplyDeleteBlain Thomas was my partner and his passion was track. Overall his speech was well presented, compared to the last speech. This one was much better. It was clear that he had improved. The note cards give him that extra boost. His speech was well organized, and was well written. He was well dressed and that helped the audience take him seriously and to know that he cared about what he is going to present. When he first started he projected his voice, and I could hear him very well. His attention grabber was very good in how he opened up to the audience. When presenting the attention grabber he used the PowerPoint very well by using the “big question mark” everyone eye were attracted to it because it was so appealing. His PowerPoint was well done he followed the 6x6 rule and it was very creative he showed a lot of effort. Something I noticed was that thesis was not clear he needs to work on that for his next speech. His academics sources were okay, I noticed that while he was going though his speech he needed more sources to back up his information he needs to improve on that for the next speech as well. When he connected point to point he tended to pause a little bit. This made it seem like his speech was not conversational. His conclusion was really good as well. He wrapped everything up, and restated everything. His memorable statement was what gave that last good touch; it was “track is like McDonalds, I’m Loving it! Blain speech was one of the best ones in the class, but he did have a few mistakes that he has to improve on, so for the next speech he can have a perfect presentation. Blain improved a lot this speech, keep progressing. Good job Blain.
ReplyDeleteWalter did a great speech. One thing I liked about Walter’s speech was his unique points. He was really thinking outside of the box when he was thinking of his topic for this speech. His introduction was also strong. The video had a huge wow factor. It touched almost every stereotype including the two that pertained to Walter. It had some harsh words in the video only to make Walters point more of a wow factor. Another good part of Walter’s speech was his personal experiences. He put in three personal experiences where he was stereotyped and what he did to overcome them. Also Walter made great eye contact. He even did a good job being in the new room and looking at everyone. It may have looked as if he was swaying side to side in an effort to express his nervousness, but it was the opposite. He was scanning the room so everyone feels connected. Last his power point was every creative. Especially his last slide was pretty funny and got the audience to laugh during the conclusion.
ReplyDeleteFor all the good things Walter did he does need to improve on a couple of things. First he needed to cite his interview a bit better. We may or may not know who Al-Fuquan Green is. So he needed to be cited better, so the audience knows exactly who he is. Also Walter skipped a connective and I seemed choppy during that one part. So he needs to work on knowing all of his connectives. Other than that Walter did a fantastic job. It was way better than his first speech. Keep up the good work Walter!
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ReplyDeleteBeing a lover of video games I really enjoyed Jeremy’s speech. He started off with an attention-getter that most of the people, if not all, could relate to. When Walter, Jeremy, and I all worked on our speeches the night before we all took note that he did a lot better job than he did during his first speech. The two things I liked most about his speech would have to be when he made reference to the clothes that he wore and the bag that he carries and also the miniature game he had in the end. The game that he played at the end was a very good compliment to his conclusion in my opinion. Jeremy’s use of his hands was there and it was very obvious to me that he knew his topic and was serious when he said that playing video games was his passion.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think that he could have changed is the use of his note cards. He had good eye contact and he did remember to smile throughout his presentation but every time he would read a quote from his cards all of that was lost. He seemed better talking in front of the few people in my room than talking in front of the class but I suppose as time passes this will most definitely fade.
In all, Jeremy’s speech was very entertaining. He just needs to work on his nervousness but overall it was a good speech. I liked the way he incorporated his clothing to establish credibility with the audience and I liked the video game in the end. Good job Jeremy; nice speech.
My partner Jeremy Garcia did an overall great job on his speech. He had a creative use of visuals that fully expressed his passion for video games. His use of his book bag to further convey his passion was creative and made his presentation that much more believable an easy to follow. He had a great volume in his voice and spoke with a variety in tone his tone. He had a good list of resources that maintained his credibility and further expressed his passion. His use of a video game as his wow factor kept the audience interested even though he decided to use it at the end of his presentation. Overall his speech was great.
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ReplyDeleteMy speech buddy was Shayanna. She showed great enthusiasm and you could tell that she had passion for what she was talking about. Her opening was pretty good but I felt that she lacked some credibility within her intro. Her Powerpoint presentation was very colorful and caught my eye but it had too much information and didn’t follow the six by six rule. She had most of her connectives but I felt that they could have been a lot stronger and smoother. She talked about she loved styling hair but didn’t show any pictures in her Powerpoint. The pictures were in her video but it didn’t open up in the classroom.
ReplyDeleteWhen it came to her main points she could have used more academic sources to support them. She connected with the audience extremely well and she didn’t seem shy one bit. Her voice had a good tone and was very conversational. She looked at her note cards only for her quotes and sources and knew all of the other material. Shayanna is a great speaker in my opinion and if she just works at the little things, I think she will be perfect. You did a great job Shayanna!
My good friend Jennifer was my speech partner for the passion speech and let me be the first to tell you that she did an outstanding job. I was truly impressed but I always knew that she had it in her. Her speech was about how helping people mentally, spiritually and emotionally was like a second nature to her. Jennifer made some really good connectives; they made a lot of sense and it helped the body paragraphs flow well into each other. I didn’t hear a speech pattern but I did hear a clear voice. She did gain my attention because her attention grabber was interesting and her visual aid kept us staring. Jennifer’s academic research was very suitable because it stuck to her topic as well as her main points. She used sources from nurses, historical figures, and an interview. Overall Jennifer’s energy was really good, although she could have been more enthusiastic because her voice stayed at a medium level. Its one thing to be serious but too serious isn’t always that good. She also could’ve talked a little more in a conversation style and smiled a bit more because it seemed like she kept straight to the facts and citations. The techniques that were utilized to adapt to the situation were her supporting details itself. I know that I was able to adapt because I have received help from people many times and I have also given help as much. Jennifer also stepped up and improved by reducing her habit of looking at her flash cards a lot. She gave great eye contact to the audience, got all her main points out of the way, and performed an overall decent speech. I was very glad for her and myself to have been speech partners because she too helped me and I wouldn’t have performed so well if it wasn’t for her…..thanks Jenny.
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